Dear diary, I’m writing this drunk AF.
But I assure you there will be no grammatical errors because I had help. (GrammarPal app)
This post is coming really late because I was hung over earlier from getting drunk yesterday too and the best cure for a hangover is getting drunk again!!! I went out for the first time since I got here. Decided to see the city at night. Three bottles later, and I’m dancing like Childish Gambino in This is America. It was not a long night 😦
But this is not a story of how I embarrassed myself. It’s about something I ate that was called Suya. Matter of fact, I’d be insulting all the great artists AKA mai-Suya if I called “this” Suya. So we’re going to refer to it as “this” henceforth. “This” is the worst thing you could turn meat into. What’s even worse is that “this” was made by a Hausa man. Weren’t all Hausa men supposed to be experts?? How do you even ruin Chicken?


Before now, I had been exposed to the greatest Suya known to man by my beautiful, gorgeous, and amazing friend Amina. I use all these adjectives intentionally to annoy her. She dislikes flattery but she is fineeeeeeee!!!
I’m talking about none other than YAHUZA SUYA. Specifically Yahuza chicken suya. How they do it is a mystery I’m not interested in solving.
I had tasted heaven, how do I settle for this? My remarks are obviously exaggerated but just imagine. If you’ve had Yahuza then you already know what I’m talking about.
What’s funny is that this same thing used to be the “bomb” a couple of years ago but look at me now, riding my high horse all grown-ish with standards lol. I mean, how can meat have a texture of rubber? I chewed this thing for a whole fifteen minutes and almost gave myself migraine. “This” was total rubbish.

My host was enjoying it and I couldn’t ruin it for him. I’m sorry man but if we’re ever in Abuja at the same time, I owe you Suya.

PS I still ate it because I was hungry AF and I’m ashamed to admit that. Guess my horse wasn’t high enough after all.



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